An important discovery when Life Coaching a client to find their purpose is unearthing blockades. Those are barriers that keep us from living fully, loving deeply, trusting others, being authentic, and serve outside ourselves.
Blockades can be motives we use positively and negatively. It can be fears that stop us in our tracks or unresolved grief. It can also be negative self-talk that we believe about ourselves. Today, we’re going to look at our motives for our actions.
I loved playing characters on the stage in high school, pretending to be someone else. It was challenging to learn all the lines, exhilarating to behave in ways I wouldn’t normally. I enjoyed making people laugh, be happy, scared or cry. What I loved the most was the recognition, the accolades and the attention. My motive wasn’t to entertain, but to be noticed, to feel like I mattered to someone. The masks and costumes were a cover up for emotions that were deep. They created pretense or a false outward show.
I took my ability to act on the road, into life. I created an appearance of normalcy, someone who had it all together while hiding secrets or denying events. I didn’t want people to know the mental issues in my family, the divorce of my parents, the physical and emotional abuse children shouldn’t experience. I dressed up in fine clothes every day, all matchy-matchy, hair coiffed, and pretended none of that happened. In fact, I was better than people who admitted to such things – they were weak!
Thankfully, years later, when life kept reminding me to take care of that little girl inside, I finally understood my motives, my reasons for doing things the way I did. I could acknowledge, heal, and change to live a more authentic life.
What are your motives for what you do? Are there any pretenses that you maintain? Do you wear fake smiles? Do you treat someone poorly? Take some time and fill in these blanks, “Am I __________, in order to _________?”
Am I asking for prayer in order to get pity or sympathy? Am I cheating in order to build my reputation? Am I embarrassing someone in order to ease my shame and guilt or relieve my anger? Am I giving an expensive gift in order to feel good about what I did or get appreciation? Am I gossiping in order to get revenge or feel some drama or theatrics?
There is a reason for everything we do and say. If it is impure, acknowledge that. Determine the reason behind it, heal it and change it to a pure motive. The person you become outside of the costume you’ve been wearing will be amazing!
Share your motives with me by commenting below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org